I was a total mess Saturday. Mia's Birthday camp-out the night before got called on account of rain. Lots and lots of rain. The next morning I went down to pack up the flooded camp-site...that totally sucked by the way. I was all kinds of tired! I am so insane when I'm sleep deprived. INSANE! I talk to myself, snap at people, every thought I have is the funniest one ever so I'm laughing out loud (to myself). Somewhere in the middle of all that I'll just start spontaneously crying...not even sad just involuntary tired tears. Very Timebombish! The remedy is sleep, but unfortunately that wasn't gonna happen so I decided to take advantage of the post rain sunshine and indulge in some solitude on the beach.
I found a loner picnic table surrounded by the horse shoe pit backstops. A tree had fallen right behind one of the benches. It looked hazardous, like there should have been caution tape blocking it off. It was so perfect. I stepped over all the debris and got ready for my me time.
Dear other people at the beach,
I don't wanna pet your dog. I don't wanna talk about where you're from or if its gonna rain some more. Just keep on keepin on. No Tresspassing-Do not disturb...I was trying to present an air of "leave me alone".
So I've set the scene. That's plenty of story foreplay; now I'm goin straight to the good stuff.
10 minutes into my chill I heard somebody stompin there way up to my fortress. It was a guy. He tripped as he hurdled the barricade. "Woah...that was alot of effort!" he says then sits down next to me. "Would you like a cigarette?" he offered. "Nope". "Raisins?" I didn't answer so much as shudder and gag a little. He lights his smoke and introduces himself. His first name wasn't really Tyler, but his last name was really Presley. I asked him the obvious question:
me: "Presley eh? any relation to Elvis?"
him: "probably" "I am from Memphis".
me: I was a little too excited..."REEEALYY!?!!"
him: He looked out at the ocean and back at me as if i was totally retarded
"No. Not really. Can I ask you a question?"
me: glaring
him: "Will you marry me?"
me: "No, your not really related to Elvis or No your not really from Memphis"
Did he just pop the question?
him: "hmph! Cat's on leashes? Isn't that crazy? We should google it".
me: Yeah...thaaaat's crazy!
I wanted to revisit his proposal but there was really no lookin back after cats on leashes.
A few words on Tyler Presley:
It was totally obvious that he had some snappy swing tune playing as the soundtrack in his mind.
His communication was like text messaging or IMing out of sync. Like when your not finished and the other person responds too soon or interupts.
He wore expensive clothing.
He was so freaking handsome! ( I wanted to open with that, but it was truly secondary to his raging peculiarity. Plus it seemed shallow). He looked like he'd be Snow Whites totally masculine twin brother. He was tall, intense, quirky, hadn't shaved that day. Just asked me to marry him. Potentially related to the King.
His good looking-ness canceled out my initial irritance with him for invading my space and time. The idea of attending a family reunion at Graceland appealed to me way too much. But none of it was enough to cover: cats on leashes, his seriously premature request for me to be his wife or the raisins.
He was obviously weird. I tried so hard to deny it. I highly suspected that in reality Tyler Presley was hella psyche ward crazy train. groooaaans! WHY-WHY-WHY GOD!!! He's just soooo pretty! I started making excuses for his oddness but then he'd say something so freaking off the wall..."You should cut your hair short. I think it would look really good. Unless it didn't? I don't know we can think about it". don't talk! can you just not talk! I wondered if maybe we had the "Some things you just think, but don't say talk" if there might be a chance at makin this thing work. One other weird thing is the way that he'd say certain things. He'd stop bouncin along to the song in his head, lock in on me with tractor beam eye contact, then he'd make his statement all dramatically like it was prophecy. After that he'd head on back to his own private Idaho.
Our encounter lasted about 45-ish minutes. When I was ready to go I stood up to say good-bye. Tyler Presley jumped to his feet, "Wait!" he said. He put his hand in his pocket and pulled out a piece of wax paper. "Close your eyes" he says to me..."No" I say to him. He shrugged like, "fine, deprive yourself of my suprise". He peeled a produce sticker from the wax paper, like Chaquita banana or Del Monte...the fruit label. He stuck it on my hand and said, "something to remember our time by". dude! do you have to so severly tip the scales in favor of crazy!!!
Everything about him triggered waves of thought! a fruit sticker on wax paper in his pocket? that means he took the time to peel it off the fruit. who even has wax paper? did he take it out of his pocket at night and then make sure he had it with him the next day....cats on leashes!!! he made me squint.
"Bye Tyler Presley. Thanks for the fruit sticker, for asking me to marry you. I'm totally gonna google the cats on leashes thing". He didn't even look up, just played with his cigarette. I started to walk away. I heard him shout, "I'm gonna stalk you girl!" I looked back, he was smiling and waving. Hella psyche ward crazy train had been confirmed. I spent the rest of the day imagining what our wedding would be like.
Tyler Presely is my first radically crazy experience of 2010. Probably of my lifetime. Especially of my lifetime if I have to file a police report! Either way he was way better than taking a nap and for me there's not much that tops a nap!
I found a loner picnic table surrounded by the horse shoe pit backstops. A tree had fallen right behind one of the benches. It looked hazardous, like there should have been caution tape blocking it off. It was so perfect. I stepped over all the debris and got ready for my me time.
Dear other people at the beach,
I don't wanna pet your dog. I don't wanna talk about where you're from or if its gonna rain some more. Just keep on keepin on. No Tresspassing-Do not disturb...I was trying to present an air of "leave me alone".
So I've set the scene. That's plenty of story foreplay; now I'm goin straight to the good stuff.
10 minutes into my chill I heard somebody stompin there way up to my fortress. It was a guy. He tripped as he hurdled the barricade. "Woah...that was alot of effort!" he says then sits down next to me. "Would you like a cigarette?" he offered. "Nope". "Raisins?" I didn't answer so much as shudder and gag a little. He lights his smoke and introduces himself. His first name wasn't really Tyler, but his last name was really Presley. I asked him the obvious question:
me: "Presley eh? any relation to Elvis?"
him: "probably"
me: I was a little too excited..."REEEALYY!?!!"
him: He looked out at the ocean and back at me as if i was totally retarded
"No. Not really. Can I ask you a question?"
me: glaring
him: "Will you marry me?"
me: "No, your not really related to Elvis or No your not really from Memphis"
Did he just pop the question?
him: "hmph! Cat's on leashes? Isn't that crazy? We should google it".
me: Yeah...thaaaat's crazy!
I wanted to revisit his proposal but there was really no lookin back after cats on leashes.
A few words on Tyler Presley:
It was totally obvious that he had some snappy swing tune playing as the soundtrack in his mind.
His communication was like text messaging or IMing out of sync. Like when your not finished and the other person responds too soon or interupts.
He wore expensive clothing.
He was so freaking handsome! ( I wanted to open with that, but it was truly secondary to his raging peculiarity. Plus it seemed shallow). He looked like he'd be Snow Whites totally masculine twin brother. He was tall, intense, quirky, hadn't shaved that day. Just asked me to marry him. Potentially related to the King.
His good looking-ness canceled out my initial irritance with him for invading my space and time. The idea of attending a family reunion at Graceland appealed to me way too much. But none of it was enough to cover: cats on leashes, his seriously premature request for me to be his wife or the raisins.
He was obviously weird. I tried so hard to deny it. I highly suspected that in reality Tyler Presley was hella psyche ward crazy train. groooaaans! WHY-WHY-WHY GOD!!! He's just soooo pretty! I started making excuses for his oddness but then he'd say something so freaking off the wall..."You should cut your hair short. I think it would look really good. Unless it didn't? I don't know we can think about it". don't talk! can you just not talk! I wondered if maybe we had the "Some things you just think, but don't say talk" if there might be a chance at makin this thing work. One other weird thing is the way that he'd say certain things. He'd stop bouncin along to the song in his head, lock in on me with tractor beam eye contact, then he'd make his statement all dramatically like it was prophecy. After that he'd head on back to his own private Idaho.
Our encounter lasted about 45-ish minutes. When I was ready to go I stood up to say good-bye. Tyler Presley jumped to his feet, "Wait!" he said. He put his hand in his pocket and pulled out a piece of wax paper. "Close your eyes" he says to me..."No" I say to him. He shrugged like, "fine, deprive yourself of my suprise". He peeled a produce sticker from the wax paper, like Chaquita banana or Del Monte...the fruit label. He stuck it on my hand and said, "something to remember our time by". dude! do you have to so severly tip the scales in favor of crazy!!!
Everything about him triggered waves of thought! a fruit sticker on wax paper in his pocket? that means he took the time to peel it off the fruit. who even has wax paper? did he take it out of his pocket at night and then make sure he had it with him the next day....cats on leashes!!! he made me squint.
"Bye Tyler Presley. Thanks for the fruit sticker, for asking me to marry you. I'm totally gonna google the cats on leashes thing". He didn't even look up, just played with his cigarette. I started to walk away. I heard him shout, "I'm gonna stalk you girl!" I looked back, he was smiling and waving. Hella psyche ward crazy train had been confirmed. I spent the rest of the day imagining what our wedding would be like.
Tyler Presely is my first radically crazy experience of 2010. Probably of my lifetime. Especially of my lifetime if I have to file a police report! Either way he was way better than taking a nap and for me there's not much that tops a nap!
I miss crazy
ReplyDeleteI sure wish I had more time to read your blogs. They're GREAT!
ReplyDeleteBTW- I couldn't figure out how to post, and somehow it has my son's name as posting. But it's really from me...Karyn Jones
ReplyDelete